When Motherhood Hurts: The Mental Load, Generational Healing, and the Courage to Keep Showing Up
Being a mom today means juggling everything—meals, doctor appointments, emotional support, school calendars, birthday parties, and work deadlines. But it’s not just the physical tasks that wear us down. It’s the mental load — the invisible, relentless labor of thinking, planning, and remembering on behalf of everyone else.
This cognitive weight follows many mothers through every moment of the day, even into the night. It’s what keeps our brains spinning when we try to sleep, what causes us to snap even when we don’t want to, and what leads to that chronic, unshakable sense of failure—despite doing so much.
Understanding the Mental Load Mothers Carry
The mental load isn’t just about tasks. It’s about responsibility. The emotional burden of making sure everything runs smoothly. It includes:
Feeling like you're always "on"
Trouble sleeping due to a racing mind
Snapping at loved ones or feeling emotionally drained
A constant sense of guilt or failure, no matter how much you do
It’s even heavier for mothers balancing careers, relationships, and caregiving—especially those raising neurodivergent children or healing from past trauma.
When Healing and Parenting Collide
In the therapy room, I often hear a quiet, shared confession:
“I thought I would be a better mother than mine.”
Not out of arrogance. But out of longing.
To love harder. Give more. Do it differently.
But healing while parenting is not linear. It’s messy. Exhausting. Often filled with grief.
Many women enter motherhood hoping to right the wrongs of their childhoods and break generational curses. But instead of perfection, they meet the truth of their own limitations. The regression. The emotional flashbacks. The guilt when we shut down or scream or overfunction.
We hurt the ones we love not because we don’t love them, but because we’re carrying too much. And then, the shame follows.
In families like ours, pain needs a target. When there’s no safe one, we turn it inward. We isolate. We wonder if we were ever meant for this.
But Here’s What I Know:
There is no perfect mother. There is only the one who keeps showing up. Who apologizes, learns, and tries again.
Healing is not about doing it all right. It’s about doing it honestly.
Lightening the Load
Start by telling the truth. Communicate clearly with your partner or support system. Use shared calendars. Delegate. Set boundaries. Rest.
And most importantly: Ask for help.
Not only is that central to my clinical work—it’s deeply personal. I’m a mother raising a neurodivergent child while navigating my own healing from early relational trauma. I know what it’s like to carry it all.
Here are a few lessons I offer my clients, and myself:
Reparenting yourself while parenting your child can be both activating and transformational.
It’s okay to feel guilt or grief—but you don’t have to live there.
Your child’s needs may mirror your own unmet ones. That’s not a flaw; it’s an invitation to heal.
Taking up space, asking for help, setting boundaries—these aren’t weaknesses. They’re courage in action.
Let This Be Your Mother's Day Reminder:
You don’t have to carry it all. You don’t have to be perfect.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
Therapy can be a space where you unload, unravel, and begin again. At Being Real, PLLC, I offer virtual and in-person therapy for moms and women navigating the mental, emotional, and generational weight of motherhood.
Schedule a free 15-minute video consultation. You matter too.