The Quiet Poison of Internalized Misogyny
A Note Before You Read
This piece may stir something in you. You might feel seen. You might feel uncomfortable. You might even feel angry...and that’s okay.
What I write here is not an attack—it’s a reflection. One born from my personal life, my work with women over the years, and the quiet harm I’ve witnessed when we don’t name what we’re taught to swallow.
If something in this post triggers you, I invite you not to turn away too quickly. Instead, ask yourself gently: Why does this feel hard to hear? What old message is getting poked at here?
This isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness. And sometimes awareness—while initially painful—is the beginning of real freedom.
The Role We’re Told to Play
There’s a quiet set of rules women are taught to follow. We say them to soothe, to advise, to protect. But sometimes, without realizing it, we also say them to control—because of our own fears and discomfort, rather than sitting with those feelings and allowing space for someone else’s truth.
It shows up in everyday conversation:
| What’s Said | What’s Implied |
|---|---|
| "You just need to let it go—it’s not that deep." | Your pain is inconvenient. Keep it to yourself. |
| "Men need to feel needed." | It’s your job to shape yourself around a man’s ego. |
| "You’re too sensitive—don’t take it so personally." | Your emotional truth is an overreaction. |
| "You catch more flies with honey." | Don’t be direct—be likable, even when harmed. |
| "No one is perfect." | Excuse his behavior—expect less. |
| "You don’t want to push him away." | Be careful—your needs might scare him. |
| "You need to think about how this makes him feel." | His comfort matters more than your truth. |
| "You’re lucky to have him—so many women have it worse." | Be grateful, even if you’re hurting. |
| Ignore Them | Your pain isn't worth expressing |
| You're being dramatic | Your emotional reaction is too much and I don't want to deal with it. |
These phrases don’t always mean what they imply—and context matters. But the underlying messages are common enough to pay attention to. They reflect a deeper cultural script. One many of us have internalized without even realizing it.
What Hides Beneath the Surface
On the surface, these might sound harmless. But underneath, they often reinforce the same old story for women, be quiet, be nice, don’t rock the boat.
These phrases keep women exhausted, shrinking themselves, over-functioning, and emotionally alone. And when women normalize emotional imbalance and call it resilience, we become the enforcers of the very inequality we likely also resent.
Internalized misogyny isn’t just a buzzword—it’s a quiet poison.
We start to judge other women before we ever question the system that tells us how women are “supposed to be.” And in doing so, we unknowingly replicate harm.
What I See in the Therapy Room
As a therapist, I work primarily with women recovering from codependency, complex trauma, emotional neglect, and long histories of self-abandonment. And this is what I see again and again:
Grief mistaken for dysfunction
Boundaries mislabeled as selfishness
Anger dismissed as bad or dangerous
Sensitivity treated as weakness
I see women who were told they were “too much” for feeling what was never allowed to be named.
I see silence and emotional suppression rewarded in families, relationships, workplaces, and even therapy spaces.
But what if your resentment or anger isn’t the problem?
What if that's ignored wisdom?
Therapy for women who struggle with codependency isn’t just about recovery. It’s about waking up. Unlearning. And reclaiming the parts of ourselves we were taught to disown.
I help women gently name what’s often left unsaid. We unpack the roles we’ve inherited. We make room for truth that may have been buried for decades.
And in that space, something powerful happens: Women begin to remember they have permission—to feel, to think, to be. They begin to see that their presence doesn’t have to be earned through perfection or politeness. Their truth has weight. Their needs matter. There’s room at the table for their voice.
We Can’t Heal What We Keep Repeating
I’m tired of systems more committed to order than justice. Tired of institutions that reward compliance over authenticity. Tired of how often “good intentions” are used to silence necessary conversations.
And I’m especially tired of how often we, as women, unknowingly replicate the harm.
These cultural scripts are passed down through generations. They’re framed as kindness, Godliness, maturity, and selflessness. But in truth, they often silence us before we ever realize we have a voice.
And that’s where therapy can help. Not because we need fixing, but because we need space to reconnect—with what we’ve buried, and with who we’ve always been.
If This Stirred Something in You…
That may be a sign you’re waking up—not falling apart.
If you’re tired of playing a role you never chose… If you’re beginning to question the systems that shaped you… Therapy can be a powerful place to land and unlearn.
I offer trauma-informed therapy for women navigating people-pleasing, internalized misogyny, codependency, and emotional exhaustion integrating modalities like EMDR, Brainspotting, and IFS to support deep, lasting healing.
Let’s walk together as you reclaim what was never truly lost—you.