The Incomplete Truth: Why We Need Both Psychology and Spirituality

There’s a piece of wisdom I heard years ago that has never left me:

“The psychological, without the spiritual, is incomplete—and the spiritual, without the psychological, is dangerous.”

This truth has echoed throughout my healing journey—especially in the moments when the very places I sought refuge—faith communities, spiritual groups, even Bible studies—became sources of harm.

When spirituality is divorced from self-awareness, and religion is practiced without emotional maturity, it becomes a breeding ground for spiritual abuse, emotional manipulation, and faith-based trauma.

When Church Stops Being Safe

Church is meant to be a sanctuary—a space of support, belonging, and grace. A place to wrestle with hard things and still be loved.

But what happens when those sacred spaces become hotbeds of gossip, judgment, or power abuse?

I’ve learned, often painfully, that safety is not guaranteed just because a space is labeled “Christian” or “spiritual.” Religious trauma often stems not from overt cruelty, but from subtle emotional invalidation and spiritual gaslighting—especially when leaders or peers use your vulnerability against you rather than holding it with care.

I Thought I Found My Spiritual Family

There was a time in my life when I was desperate for support. I was newly divorced, parenting two boys—one with special needs—and trying to survive the weight of emotional, financial, and spiritual exhaustion. I joined a small Bible study group and began opening my home, my time, and eventually, my heart.

I believed that if I showed up for others—hosted gatherings, gave generously, and shared openly—I’d finally find unconditional love. I was trying to create the family I never had.

But I didn’t realize I was also re-enacting old survival patterns: people-pleasing, over-functioning, and unconsciously hoping others would love me into healing.

Instead, my story became fuel for gossip. Conversations I trusted were twisted. My vulnerability was exploited. And worst of all, the damage didn’t stop with me—it reached my child.

But what they didn’t realize is this: the damage didn’t reach him immediately. It surfaced years after we had already left that church. That’s how gossip works. People speak casually, bonding over shared opinions—but the ripple effect can be devastating.

What seems harmless to the speaker becomes a wrecking force to the person they’re speaking about. It’s invisible to the ones who start it. But not to the ones living with the aftermath.

The Deep Pain of Being Misunderstood

This wasn’t just about hurt feelings. It was a profound betrayal—one with real-world consequences for both me and my youngest son.

I won’t go into specifics here because details aren’t necessary to validate the truth: my story was reshaped without my consent. When people misuse their platform, their role, or their relationships to spread false narratives—especially under the guise of righteousness or concern—it isn’t godly. It’s abusive.

And yet, I also know this:

What others weaponize doesn’t define you. But how you respond can transform you.

Reclaiming Your Voice Is Sacred Work

Healing from spiritual betrayal and emotional trauma is not about revenge. It’s about reclamation.

It’s not just about speaking up—it’s about owning your story so completely that no one gets to rewrite it without your consent.

I considered writing a letter to the person who caused the most harm. But I knew it would only be met with defensiveness or denial. So instead, I chose to tell my truth here—where I hold the pen, and no one gets to edit my experience. And speaking here today is how I have chosen to rewrite it.

Your Healing Is Not Just Personal—It’s Spiritual

True healing integrates both the psychological and the spiritual.

It involves therapy, boundaries, trauma work, solitude, prayer, and reconnecting with a God who has always seen you clearly—even when others didn’t.

We must learn to recognize when someone is speaking from unhealed wounds rather than wisdom. People who have not done their own inner work will inevitably project their shame, fear, or judgment onto others. And they will often use spiritual language to mask their avoidance.

This is how harm is perpetuated—through spiritual bypassing, codependent enmeshment, and the silencing of truth-tellers who dare to disrupt the illusion of perfection.

Why Healing Requires Both Psychological and Spiritual Depth

When I say that true healing involves both the psychological and the spiritual, I don’t mean it requires organized religion, belief in God, or any kind of dogma.

What I do mean is this:

• Psychological work helps us understand patterns, trauma responses, attachment dynamics, and the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.

• It also helps us see what drives our motivations and no longer allows us to lie to ourselves about why we do what we do.

• Spiritual depth—broadly defined—is about beliefs and values. What do we stand for? What matters most to us? What keeps us grounded when everything else falls away?

Whether you call it soul, intuition, higher self, or simply a deeper sense of being—there is a part of us that longs for something more than symptom management.

You can be atheist and still experience awe, compassion, conscience, and moral clarity. You can be secular and still believe that healing is about more than biology—it’s about who you are becoming.

Spiritual depth, in this context, simply invites you to connect with whatever reminds you that you’re more than what happened to you.

My Son Taught Me What Real Strength Looks Like

My youngest son didn’t ask to be pulled into this, but he faced it with a resilience far beyond his years.

His courage has reminded me to trust my intuition. He has reminded me to protect my truth. To stop handing over my story to people who haven’t earned it.

He reminded me that even when our vulnerability is used against us, it can still become a source of power.

The Real Work Is Integration

Being human is messy. Being spiritual doesn’t mean being perfect. And psychological healing doesn’t require abandoning faith—because truly, we can’t abandon it when our values and beliefs are a part of who we are.

To abandon faith entirely would be to exile a part of ourselves.

To reclaim your voice, you have to be willing to face the parts of yourself others tried to shame:

Your anger.
Your boundaries.
Your spiritual instincts.
Your lived truth.

This is not rebellion. It’s a return.

A return to the person you were meant to be—not the version others needed you to be to feel comfortable.

If You’ve Been Betrayed by a Faith Community…

If you’ve been:

• Cast out for telling the truth

• Misunderstood by people who only knew part of your story

• Spiritually gaslit or manipulated

• Made to feel like you were too much, too emotional, or not “spiritual enough”...

Please know this:

Your voice matters.
Your truth matters.
And you always have the power to take it back.

Ready to Begin Your Healing?

If this story resonated with you and you’re looking for support on your healing journey, I invite you to explore more on my blog. I’m a trauma-informed therapist specializing in healing from:

• Religious trauma

• Codependency and emotional betrayal

• Spiritual abuse and identity loss

🌿  weekly blog
🌿 Learn more about working with me one-on-one.

You are not alone—and your story is not over.