How to maximize the positive feelings
Gratitude and contentment are two words I've been thinking about a lot lately. My forty-first birthday this year seemed to be a pivotal point that made me seriously begin reflecting on how quickly life has flown by. With the marking of that forty-first birthday, life has slowly impressed upon me that if I continue to focus on what's next I will miss what's right in front of me. Hence, the reason I keep thinking about gratitude.Gratitude is a focusing on what we have to be thankful for right now. I don't think anyone is exempt from life's struggles and challenges, and I would never diminish the validity of someone else's pain -being born into this world we all experience some degree of pain and problems-it's part of the human condition. That doesn't mean we have to suffer. While we may all have struggles in our lives there are equally a number of things that you and I miss each day that are amazing and beautiful.The word contentment I believe is directly correlated to gratitude. I notice that when my mind is filled with all that is wrong or what could go wrong I have no room to be thankful or content. Because I now know I am largely in charge of my own happiness -now when I feel discontent or anxious or even sad I don't wallow in those feelings as long as I used to. I catch it and remind myself that I am now forty one years old-I honestly do not want to waste much of the time I have left on those types of feelings because it is quite likely that half of my life is already over. I can choose to spend most of my days suffering or choose to spend most of my days content.
Granted our feelings sometimes hit us like waves and we may not initially feel we have control over them when he have been triggered by some major event or catastrophe or even by some minor daily frustration. However, we can choose our second or third thought around that strong feeling and/or preceding thoughts after that initial trigger. I am not saying that feelings of sadness, grief, anger, and fear don't have value because they do, our feelings serve as an emotional GPS. They give us clues to parts of ourselves we may need to look closer at. All feelings have value and sometimes we even sit in the space of a sad, angry, or fearful feeling for awhile because we really need to before moving to another phase of healing. However, there is a difference between allowing yourself to feel uncomfortable and painful feelings versus sitting and bathing in negatively charged feelings and allowing those to remain stuck in your body. At some point, we must release and let go of painful feelings in order to move onto those feelings that bring us inner peace and freedom.
If you're willing to start maximizing those feel good feelings and learn how to truly get to a place of joy and gratitude, here are five things you can try:
1. Be aware of the negative thoughts in your head when they do arise and then recognize that the thought is not you and it is not truth, but just a tape recorder that was imprinted in your head at an earlier time in life.
2. Get curious about that negative thought because the negative thought is usually a trigger that has happened because of a past event that is similar-ask the thought, "How are you feeling right now?" Allow it to answer. Then ask, "What does that feeling remind you of, was there an earlier time in childhood that you felt that way?" Asking yourself this question will bring awareness to what is behind the thought and where it came from. You can then acknowledge it and then let it go by saying, "I understand you're trying to help and that thought formed a long time ago, but those words hurt me, I'm in charge and I no longer need you."
3. Accept that the thought might keep getting bigger, but continue to say, statements such as, "you're just a thought, you're not real. You think you're trying to help me, but I'm in charge, not you." You might not believe it because the negative feelings are so strong but this is where patience comes in.
4. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Yes, you will get frustrated trying to rewire the way you think if your thoughts generally are negative, but with time, concerted effort, and consistency it will go away.
5. Finally, you can start replacing those thoughts with gratitude. Gratitude is a pathway to increasing the good feelings right in the moment. And no matter where you are, or what is going on, there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. You can be thankful for yourself, thank yourself for working so hard to change and grow, thank yourself for who you are and the gifts you have, find gratitude in a sunset, the air in your lungs, or anything else that applies to you and your life. You can do this by journaling daily or you can do it as negative thoughts arise, because there is no way to focus on gratitude and focus on the negative thoughts at the same time.
Life is so short, so fragile, and so messy, but also so beautiful. None of us really know when we will take our last breath. I imagine that if you're reading this, you realize that and you want more of the joyful feelings life has to offer. As Melody Beattle, the author of several books on co-dependency states, "gratitude turns what we have into enough."