Beyond Cutting: Recognizing the Many Faces of Self-Harm and the Power of Self-Compassion
Editorial Note: This post was originally written in 2017 and has been updated in 2025 to reflect current insights around trauma, self-harm, the inner critic, and the importance of compassionate self-awareness. Language has been revised for inclusivity, clarity, and alignment with current clinical understanding.
Yesterday, I attended a professional conference on self-harm to deepen my understanding of those I work with who engage in cutting and other self-injurious behaviors. What I didn’t expect was to walk away with new insights about myself—and the people I interact with every day.
The presenter, Dr. David Kamen, said something that struck me deeply: those who self-harm often have what he described as an unethical relationship with their own body. That phrase lingered with me long after the conference ended.
What Is Self-Harm, Really?
We often associate self-harm with physical acts like cutting, but I began to see how much broader the definition could be. In fact, many people engage in behaviors that harm themselves—physically, emotionally, or psychologically—without realizing it.
Self-harm, in this broader sense, can include:
Substance abuse that deteriorates the body
Disordered eating or compulsive exercise as a way to punish oneself
Risky sexual behavior that disregards personal safety
Staying in abusive relationships, whether emotional, physical, or psychological
Perfectionism driven by an internal narrative of not being good enough
Religious or spiritual self-judgment when one cannot meet unrealistic ideals
Some forms of self-harm are overt. Others are subtle, even socially acceptable—like the person who relentlessly seeks self-improvement through rigid routines, only to feel more empty and inadequate the more they try.
The Role of the Inner Critic
Most self-harming behaviors—whether physical, emotional, or behavioral—are symptoms of what I call the inner critic. This internal voice tells us we are unworthy, broken, not enough, or inherently flawed. It drives us toward relationships and patterns that affirm these beliefs.
When the inner critic is in the driver’s seat, we unconsciously choose experiences that reinforce our sense of unworthiness. We seek out situations and people that mirror our internalized shame, further deepening the cycle of self-harm.
So… How Do We Break the Cycle?
There’s no quick fix or three-step formula for emotional healing. But here’s what I’ve noticed in my own life and with my clients:
Awareness is key. When we begin to recognize the voice of the inner critic, its power lessens.
Compassion is powerful. Instead of judging the critic, we can thank it for how it once tried to protect us—and gently let it know it doesn’t need to run the show anymore.
Acceptance brings integration. Judging the critic is just another form of self-rejection. We don’t heal by cutting off parts of ourselves—we heal by integrating them.
This may sound counterintuitive, but resisting or judging the critic often compounds the problem. Healing requires that we stop waging war against ourselves.
Self-Compassion as a Path to Inner Freedom
Emotional growth takes time. Learning to relate to ourselves with compassion, dignity, and honesty is a lifelong process. But every time we choose self-respect over self-punishment, we disrupt the cycle of internalized harm.
When we offer ourselves gentleness instead of judgment, patience instead of pressure, we begin to build a new kind of relationship with ourselves—one based on worth, respect, and inner peace.