Dating With Intention: How to Stay Grounded in Your Worth While Looking for Love

Dating With Intention: Reclaiming Self-Worth in a Swipe Culture

Dating today can feel like a minefield—full of ghosting, mismatched expectations, and emotional exhaustion. But there’s another way: dating with intention.

Earlier this month, I was quoted in A Therapist’s Guide to Dating With Intention, a feature by Hims & Hers that explores how to approach dating with self-awareness and clarity. In that interview, I shared:

“You’re not just asking, ‘Do they like me?’
You’re asking, ‘Do we share the kind of values and vision that could sustain something meaningful?’”

That quote comes not just from my work as a therapist—but from experience. 

I spent years navigating the dating world: apps, heartbreak, a few relationships, and long pauses for reflection. Eventually, I began dating with more clarity—not because I had all the answers, but because I started honoring what I knew wasn’t working.

I’m still learning—not how to date, but how to stay rooted in self-worth within a relationship. I still catch the pull of old insecurities. But one thing is clear: the more I stay connected to my own truth, the less I feel the need to chase or perform to be loved.

This blog expands on what I shared in that article—through a more personal, lived-in lens.

1. Know Your Non-Negotiables—And Communicate Them Early

Intentional dating starts with clarity. What do you need in a relationship to feel safe, seen, and fulfilled? Make a list of your non-negotiables—not as rigid ultimatums, but as sacred boundaries earned through lived experience.

You don’t need to rattle them off on the first date, but they should guide you in the process.

2. Look for Reciprocity—Not Just Chemistry

Chemistry is intoxicating—but it’s not a foundation. In fact, overwhelming chemistry can be a red flag, often signaling an old wound from childhood that hasn’t fully healed. Intentional dating means paying attention not just to how someone makes you feel, but how they consistently show up.

Do they initiate? Follow through? Take a genuine interest in your life beyond surface-level flirtation? Do you feel emotionally at ease around them?

Reciprocity looks like matched energy, emotional availability, and shared investment. If you’re the only one doing the work, it’s not a relationship—it’s a rescue mission.

Chemistry can grow. Character doesn’t change.

3. Choose Patterns Over Potential

It’s easy to fall in love with someone’s potential—who they could be if only they healed, opened up, or changed. But dating with intention means choosing someone’s patterns, not their promise.

Ask yourself: Do their actions align with my values? Do I feel safe, respected, and emotionally nourished?

When rejection hurts (and it will), don’t spiral into “Why wasn’t I enough?” Instead ask, “Was this aligned with what I truly want?” Rejection is a natural part of the process. You’ll be rejected, and you’ll do some rejecting too.

I used to think rejection was just someone else noticing what wouldn’t work—before I had to.

Self-worth is built not just through reflection—but through action. And sometimes, that action is walking away.

Final Thoughts

Dating with intention doesn’t guarantee instant results—in fact, it may weed out most. But it does offer something better: alignment with your truth. It calls in those who recognize your worth without asking you to shrink or perform.

You are not too much. You are not too late. You do not have to abandon yourself to be loved.

Stay grounded. Stay clear. And most of all, stay true to you.

If this resonated and you’re ready to explore how old relational patterns are showing up in your current life, you can learn more about working with me through a free 15-minute consultation.