When You Ask for What You Need (Even When You’re Scared)
How a dream reminded me that asking for help isn’t weakness—it’s healing.
The Dream That Brought Me to Tears
The other night, I had a dream that stopped me in my tracks.
In the dream, I was back in school. I had stepped out of the classroom for a few minutes, and when I returned, the teacher had already passed out an assignment. Everyone had a workbook. Everyone knew what to do.
Everyone… except me.
I quietly asked a few classmates if they had an extra workbook. Some ignored me. Some shrugged. And then came that familiar feeling in my throat—the panic of falling behind, the ache of feeling left out, the tears pressing against the back of my eyes as I tried to hold it all in.
But then something inside me shifted.
Instead of disappearing or pretending I didn’t care, I stood up and raised my voice to the whole room:
“Does anyone have a workbook or know where they are?”
A girl stood up. She brought me not just a workbook—but her completed assignment too.
And just like that, I didn’t feel so alone.
For Adult Children of Emotionally Neglectful Homes
It was just a dream.
But also, it wasn’t.
Because sometimes our dreams show us what we’re finally ready to do in waking life:
To speak up instead of stay silent
To risk rejection in the hope of connection
To name our needs—even when we’re terrified they won’t be met
If you grew up in a home where your emotional needs were ignored, minimized, or used against you, asking for help might feel dangerous. Many adult children of emotionally neglectful homes were praised for being “independent” or “mature” when what they really needed was support, care, and emotional attunement.
You may have learned early on that asking for anything—attention, reassurance, clarity—could lead to shaming, punishment, or being made to feel like a burden. So, like many trauma survivors, you learned to do it all yourself.
Even now, as an adult, vulnerability might feel risky. Needing something might feel like failure. You may assume no one will help—so you don’t ask.
Codependency, Shame, and the Fear of Being “Too Much”
Codependency often forms around this early unmet need: the belief that we must take care of others while never needing care ourselves.
If you’ve internalized messages like “don’t be needy,” “don’t make a scene,” or “figure it out on your own,” you may find yourself over-functioning in every area of life—at work, in relationships, in caregiving roles—while silently carrying resentment, burnout, or deep loneliness.
And underneath it all, there’s usually a younger version of you still waiting for someone to notice what you never felt safe enough to ask for.
What the Dream Taught Me (And Maybe You Too)
The girl in my dream gave me what I needed—not because I was perfect, or because I had explained myself flawlessly—but simply because I asked.
That moment reminded me: we don’t always have to be self-sufficient. We don’t have to earn our right to be supported. We don’t have to be unbreakable to be worthy of care.
When we speak our needs out loud—even trembling, even unsure—we open the door for someone to meet us there. Not everyone will. But someone might.
And that someone can make all the difference.
Therapy Can Help You Reclaim the Right to Ask
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Therapy can be a space where you practice asking—for support, for understanding, for safety—and begin healing the belief that your needs don’t matter.
At Being Real, PLLC, I specialize in working with adult children of trauma, emotionally neglectful families, and caregivers who are tired of being strong all the time.
You’re allowed to want help. You’re allowed to ask for it. And you don’t have to do this alone anymore.