Real Over Polite: My Brainspotting Intensive Wake-Up Call
A Lesson from Retreat: Real Over Polite
Recently, my essay “Real Over Polite” was published in Elephant Journal. It came from an emotionally taxing purge that was both cathartic and familiar—familiar because it carried the same felt sense of loneliness I’ve felt so many times in life, not truly understanding the root.
As a trauma-informed therapist, I’ve noticed that I often feel most alone when people around me aren’t being their full selves—when they’re playing roles instead of showing up honestly. In those moments, I start to believe I have to play along too.
At the Brainspotting retreat, clarity came in small moments until it burst wide open on the last day I chose to attend. It was then—when I felt seen, even if not fully understood or even liked—that the loneliness lifted.
What I realized is this: loneliness is always a sign you’ve abandoned yourself.
Healing and the Power of Self-Trust
This retreat experience reminded me that healing isn’t about staying silent, fitting in, or repairing what was never yours to fix. Sometimes healing looks like:
Naming the truth even when it disrupts the room and no one will "get" it.
Choosing dignity over people-pleasing.
Walking away with your integrity intact.
It’s when we stop abandoning ourselves for the comfort of others that we rediscover our own authority, voice, and self-trust.
Why I’m Sharing This
My therapy practice, Being Real PLLC, is grounded in this very work, it's not just a "brand" or a "role" and I think when we label ourselves as anything, it's easy to make it a role. Being Real in this context simply means, I will be ALL of my humanity, not just the parts other people accept.
I think when we truly come to face the truth of when we're abandoning ourselves, we can also then return back to what’s real, our home within.
Whether through Brainspotting, trauma therapy, or deep relational work, I see every day how healing begins when we stop performing roles and start reclaiming our truth.
If this resonates, you may also want to explore: