The Hidden Harm of Gossip and Betrayal: Reclaiming Your Voice and Power

There’s a piece of wisdom I heard a long time ago that has stayed with me: "The psychological, without the spiritual, is incomplete, and the spiritual, without the psychological, is dangerous." 

Church, for many, is meant to be a place of refuge—a space for healing, support, and authenticity. It’s where we come to share our struggles and seek guidance, knowing we can lean on others in our faith. But what happens when the very people who are supposed to offer love and understanding instead misuse their power, judging and controlling a narrative without knowing the whole story?

I’ve learned, often the hard way, that even in spaces where we expect safety, such as in a Church, there can be betrayal. Why? Because if people have not done their own personal psychological work and lack true self-awareness, they will project their own pain and what they run from within themselves onto others.

There was a time when I shared my personal struggles with people I trusted, believing that a close-knit Bible study group would hold my vulnerability with care. At that time, I was a naive, scared, divorced single mom with two boys—one with special needs—and the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I often hosted the gatherings, opened my home, gave, and listened. Sadly, I did all this because I unconsciously and unwittingly believed that’s what you had to do to find love, belonging, and acceptance. I thought I could find a family that would love me unconditionally and was attempting to create the family I never had. But I soon realized that the love I was searching for could only be found within myself. 

It took years of trauma work, therapy, meditation, solitude, and a deeper connection with the God I had encountered in a few miraculous, deeply personal moments to understand this truth.

Unfortunately, I learned this lesson the hard and painful way. My vulnerability and naiveness was used against me—twisted into gossip and spread in ways that caused harm—not just to me but also to my youngest son. 

This betrayal wasn’t simply a matter of hurt feelings. It had real, lasting consequences. While I won’t go into the specifics, the damage of being misjudged and misunderstood was profound. The issue wasn’t just the spreading of false narratives; it was the misuse of power. When others weaponize your vulnerability, the consequences are far-reaching—not just for you, but for innocent victims who were never part of the story.

Through this experience, I’ve learned that reclaiming your voice isn’t just about finding the courage to speak; it’s about persisting in your truth, owning your story, and refusing to let anyone else define you. 

My youngest son, in particular, has been a constant reminder to me of strength and resilience in the face of adversity and injustice. While the situation harmed him, he has shown me that even in our vulnerability, there’s power. He has taught me to stand tall, rise again, and keep moving forward.

Whether in faith communities, workplaces, or personal relationships, the misuse of power can leave lasting scars. The antidote to that is learning to trust your own inner knowing, authenticity, and emotional resilience, all of which can be learned with the guidance of a trauma informed therapist. 

I considered writing a letter directly to the person who caused the most harm, but I knew it would only lead to defensiveness. My decision to share my story this way is intentional. In doing so, no one can take this from me. I get the last word on my life as well as my story.

What it means to be human and hold both our spiritual self and psychological self isn’t about perfection. It’s about being real, embracing who we truly are and radically accepting and owning all of who we are so that others never own us. If we let others push us into silence or shame, because of their own unhealed pain, we lose the very essence of living authentically. Who you are is what God gave you and it is not meant to be dulled. 

If you’ve ever felt misunderstood, cast out, or manipulated, I want you to know this: your voice matters. Your truth matters. And no matter how difficult it may seem, you always have the power to take it back.